I know I’ve presented myself as an emotionally fragile human being, and it’s true, I am. I think anyone with a blog/Twitter account is, because people like us need constant attention/feedback/love. It’s a pathetic way to live a life, and I can’t recommend it to anyone.
BUT, I fear that projecting this very accurate portrait of my personality means people politely refrain from leaving negative comments on my blog, and this is the opposite of what I want to happen. I WANT negative comments. I want you to tell me what’s wrong with my blog and me, because 1) I’m a narcissist and thus prefer negative attention to no attention, and 2) I want to be the exact opposite of blogs that have comment policies demanding that commenters must “keep it positive.” Those blogs are boring and suck and are boring.
Anywhoo, I want you to disagree with me. I relish it. If I disagree with your disagreement, I’ll tell you so & probably rant about it for several blog posts. If I agree with your disagreement, I’ll offer retractions. Your negative reaction will push me to be a better person. People who think I’m dumb inspire me to be better. I had a teacher in 4th grade who thought I was great, gushed over me in conferences, and told me I’d be president someday. Was I inspired by her? Most assuredly not. I’m about as far from president as you can get without being a non-English speaker, and she kind of got my hopes up needlessly. On the other hand, my 5th-grade teacher hated me, repeatedly told me I’d amount to nothing, destroyed all my stories/artwork, and called my parents in for a special conference to berate me in front of them & tell them what a slacker I was. While painful, I’ve devoted my life since then to proving her wrong, to trying to be a good person & better writer/artist. I haven’t proved her wrong yet, but that’s the thing: she was absolutely right, I am a slacker & a fuck-up, and she called it and I respect her for that. My 4th grade teacher, on the other hand, the one who told me I’d be the 1st female president, was full of shit and obviously can’t be trusted. If she hasn’t retired yet, she should be forced to resign.
So please. Honesty reigns here, kind of. I mean, if you just think I’m fat or have a big nose, I don’t really want to hear about it, because I already know & there’s nothing I can do about it short of giving up my nightly bottle of Côtes du Rhône, and that ain’t happening. But, if you think I’m a shitty writer or I’ve said something shitty & untrue or put forth a lazy opinion, consider this my permission to you to call me out, because I can at least try to be a better writer and thinker. I’m emotionally fragile, yes, but frequent public beratings will toughen me up.